Two offbeat Christmas books ring in the New Year

Bill Knight column for 1-6, 7 or 8, 2020

The Christmas season really is celebrated for 12 days (hence the song), from Christmas itself to Epiphany Eve this week. That, and the wacky, if not quite irreverent style of these two hilarious books, had me hold this column for a while.

Consider these zany novels two additional festive features of the holidays.

“The Fat Man: A Tale of North Pole Noir” by Ken Harmon was published a decade ago, but the witty satire of hardboiled detective fiction and traditional Christmas tales is a favorite read each winter.

Harmon’s story centers on a 1,3000-year-old elf named Gumdrop Coal, captain of the Coal Patrol and one of Santa’s original elves. The 2-foot, 3-inch worker had been annoyed that bratty kids were receiving the same gifts as good children, and a conniving colleague – Charles Foster “Candy” Cane – gets Gumdrop fired. Then he’s framed for murder.

Gumdrop is angered and sets out to get justice, and he and two friends (sidekick Dingleberry Fizz and journalist Jubilee Rosebud) discover a conspiracy against Santa (the Fat Man) and Christmas itself.

As such names imply, it’s hysterical.

Some place and character names are familiar, and others are new. There’s the Island of Misfit Toys and Pottersville, and also Kringle Town and the Forest of Mistletoe. Besides Santa, Leaping Lords, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, the Little Drummer Boy, a BB-gun-wielding boy named Ralphie and Uncle Billy, there’s the Myrrh-Maid, Sherlock Stetson, Not So Tiny Tim and Octavia Dellora Mercedes Sprague, about whom Gumdrop recalls, “Octavia wanted a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus would do.”

The 274-page hardback’s silliness is underscored in chapter titles such as “The Jingle Bell Rock,” “Arose Such A Clatter,” “Stink, Stank, Stunk,” “Over the River and Through the Woods,” “Grown A Little Colder,” “Baby, it’s Cold Outside,” “Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies” and “Gather Near to Us Once More.”

If you enjoy crime fiction and Christmas, and you have a sense of humor, this is a gift that’ll keep readers amused.

Another sort of amusement will tickle readers, especially younger ones who’ll giggle throughout: The comical “Silent (But Deadly) Night: Can Doctor Proctor Save Christmas?” – one of five Young Adult romps by Jo Nesbo, the best-selling Norwegian novelist who specializes in crime fiction. The YA titles – enjoyable for all ages – are Nesbo’s “Doctor Proctor’s Fart Powder” series, written in a clever scatological mashup of Mel Brooks (think the campfire scene in “Blazing Saddles”) and 18^th century Scottish author Tobias Smollett (“The Expedition of Humphry Clinker.)

In a blue house at the end of Cannon Avenue in Oslo, Norway, a great and goofy adventure begins after a businessman, Mr. Thrane, fools the King into selling the “rights” to Christmas. Thrane then demands that if people want to celebrate Christmas, they have to spend 10,000 crowns on presents bought at his chain of stores. If they don’t, no gifts, trees, caroling or enjoying holiday pudding…

            Most people can’t afford Christmas.

Illustrated by Mike Lowery, the delightful, 368-page paperback follows a small 10-year-old boy named Nilly, who’s decided he doesn’t believe in Santa. However, in chats with neighbors Lisa and the eccentric Dr. Proctor, Nilly discovers that Santa’s retired and Proctor actually knows him.

With various resources, including time-travel soap and Proctor’s fart powder (which can cause loud gas explosions without the smell), they track down St. Nick at a tavern where he’s known as Stainslaw, and fend off challenges including Thrane’s cruel but slow-witted twin sons, Trym and Truls, plus giraffes in different conditions of menace and madness.

Humorous throughout, “Silent (But Deadly) Night” isn’t disrespectful, instead thoughtfully criticizing the commercialization of a holy-day.